Kids Today… WTF?!

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with kids today? There is a total lack of respect with kids in society today and the world is completely screwed. Multiple times over this Christmas holiday off work I have been out at stores and have seen children screaming at their parents and back talking like it was no big deal. Then I see the parents just laugh and brush it off like their kid is a fucking angel?!

These kids need a swift kick in their asses before the cruel world knocks them down. I am in my mid-thirties and never in my entire childhood could I have gotten away with talking to my parents so disrespectfully.

The world is screwed if these kids are “the future”…. SMH

House Calls!

Got a hilarious telephone call from one of my college buddies and had to share it.

Blake is one of our friends who was the ring leader of our party circle. We would do everything together in high school, college, grad school, etc. This guy was literally the co-pilot to all of our greatest fuck ups. Literally.

Blake met a wonderful gal while in grad school and married her. They now have three kids, live in a very affluent neighborhood, and he has a job as a doctor that works on rich people. Literally, he makes house calls for rich people that don’t want to GO to the doctor. Needless to say, with his clientele he deals with a lot of absent minded individuals.

He calls to share a story with me about one of his clients that calls him at 11PM at night screaming because her six year old son is up screaming that his stomach hurts, and she thinks it could be something “more”. Whatever more is…

So, Blake takes the house call and heads over to their house, which luckily is only a few neighborhoods over from Blake. Luckily, his wife is very understanding and allows him to leave for all of these silly house calls. (Many of his clients are public figures, sports stars, etc. so almost ALL of his calls are house calls)

Blake gets to the house, pushes the call box at the gate, and they let him in.

Walks up to the house, and the Mom comes out (with cocktail in hand) screaming at Blake to hurry up and help her son who is upstairs and in lots of pain.

She escorts him upstairs to her son’s room and then leaves.

He finds this boy sitting on the shitter playing his game-boy. The kid who will remain nameless, looks at Blake while still playing game boy and shitting….. and goes “Hey man. I’m fine. I told my mom my ass was on fire because we had Mexican tonight, and she decided to call you”

At this point Blake is dying laughing and tells him “But you mom called and said you were in lots of pain and you were screaming”…..

The kids reply “Yeah, i was screaming at my Game Boy”

 

SMH.

Good Housewife… Bad House-guest!

We have a group of friends that’s pretty out there. Many run and operate very successful businesses, and then others are simply have no desire in life to further develop. My wife and I have a very good relationship with most all of our friends that share the same desires and have the same drive as we do. We are very determined to be successful and make the best life possible for our children. As for the friends that have no desire to further develop, those ones are the issue.

While i was away on a business trip my wife invited one of her girlfriends over who falls into that category of “no desire to further develop”. One of those girls that didn’t go to college, didn’t want to stand up for herself and have strong meaningful relationships, didn’t want to build up her future while she was younger, etc. Now, she is in her mid thirties and has the job of a 23 year old and a boyfriend who is literally one of the nicest guys you would ever meet, but she is such a cluster-fuck she starts a million fights a day with him simply for the fun of it. (Bitch is crazy, right!?)

(Begin rant…. )

So, I arrive home from my business trip and see her car parked in our driveway. Our driveway is huge. We have a 3 car garage, and a driveway where you could park 4 cars in the driveway and still pull all 3 cars into the garage. Don’t worry, she parks right in the middle of the driveway blocking my garage door so i cant pull my car into the garage. This is about the 100th time she has done this, and she consistently does it every time she comes over.

(At this point, i am mildly annoyed….)

I finally find a way to squeeze my car past her, pull into the garage, and i walk inside to see my lovely wife in the kitchen making dinner for our family.

I say hey to her, give her a kiss, say hey to our kids, gets my welcome-home hugs, and put my bag down. Sitting on my sofa in silence is this crazy bitch friend of my wife’s… In silence. Doesn’t turn around to say hello to me, despite she has been at me home all day, eating our food, drinking our liquor, and really just invades our f*cking space! At this point, i still haven’t received a “hello” from her, so i walk upstairs and decompress for about an hour.

Oh, one variable i haven’t told everyone about is the fact that this girl also finds it necessary to bring her f*cking dog over to our house… All the damn time. It’s not just any dog… It’s a dog that is poorly trained, has long nails, and continually farts, shits, and pisses on every square inch of your home. Despite the fact that the dog is like 5 years old. Any dog owner knows that if you have issues with your dog that are disciplinary like this, all of those issues stem from the owner sucking at life.

So, i have not only this “girlfriend” of my wife’s over, but we are also graced with the presence of this animal that desperately needs training. (Not his fault, can’t be mad at the dog)

To add insult to injury and compound the havoc our house guests are costing us, we are now having to deal with having this dog IN our home. Want to know what’s worse than having this dog IN your house though? Putting him outside, because this little f*cker jumps on your doors and scratches the shit out of them. Rips the paint right off the doors, and smear mud all the way up them.

You think that’s it? Oh no… Don’t worry… I come downstairs after my 1 hour “mental health break” and i sit down for dinner… Don’t worry our “house guest” joins us for dinner as well. As i am sitting down for dinner her dog not only pisses on our floor ONCE but TWICE!!! Right next to where i am eating by the way…

So, i say some rude comments i am sure when this happens, and then our house guest finally leaves…  After she has pissed on our floors, scratched our doors, slung mud on our doors, eaten our food, drank our liquor, and blocked my garage door.

In closing i leave you all with this… While i love my wife, she knows she pushed by buttons that day. I love her regardless of her choice of house guest. She is always accommodating and takes pride in making our house, a home for everyone that comes over.

As a house-guest…. If you do dumb shit like i described above, please just drive your car off a f*cking bridge.

Business Meeting Cluster F*ck

While in a meeting with our business partners today i am sitting down at the conference room table waiting for everyone to get there for our meeting to begin. So far, it’s me and two other ladies from a company we have been working with for years. These are also ladies who i have known for about 17 years personally so it is very much a positive start to our meeting. As we are waiting, more people star coming into the conference room like lost cattle wearing suits. During this time i use the somewhat quiet time to reply to emails from my laptop and catch up on the stuff i have been missing while stuck in here.

As i am sitting there at the conference room table, quietly replying to my work emails, i abruptly get hit across the forehead with something. I look up and one of the ladies i have been sitting with is hugging someone who just walked in the door. I feel a slight sting on forehead… To realize that when she went to hug another one of our business partners who just walked in, her long stripper nails AND diamond ring scratched my forehead!

When i say scratch, i don’t mean just a small surface scratch that’s red and goes away in twenty minutes… This f*cker starts to bleed! Minutes before my meeting starts. Of course.

Now, start the meeting with blood gushing out of my forehead.

What! The! Fuck! SMH.